I do not mean to dismiss or question this. I like how much you analyze and work on mental health. But sometimes I catch myself overanalyzing every facet and just treat it as just being human and that there is no optimized final state. This doesn't exclude us from working on ourselves but its always a balance for me between trying to label, solve and fix aspects of myself.

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I consider myself "on the path to recovery" from adhd and I've detailed this on my own substack. For me, everything boiled down to being "in a state of stress" constantly. It's a kind of low-grade ptsd from life, almost. But if you asked anyone around me, they'd tell you I was always very chill under stress. The secret, I guess, was I was always stressed out.

But what this does is my mind blanks out hard often and all I can do is focus on what is immediately in front of me. As a result, I can't read other people's emotions too well, because my mind is always in an agitated state. I have been often asked if I'm on the spectrum. I've taken all those online tests and they say im very not on the spectrum.

I spent a year just "knowing" myself and problem-solving my life in the absence of work stress and doing cognitive behavioral therapy and bullet journaling. I felt "cured" for real. I could suddenly have friends. I had good relationships with people around me. I could anticipate my own feelings and that of others. I actually remembered to get my neighbors Christmas gifts ahead of time.

But then I exposed myself to work stress again... within a week, I was back into that agitated state. No space in my mind for others. I also realized when I'm not paying attention to people's emotions, I revert to learned behaviors of relating to people, which haven't been very good, because the people I learned from weren't very good at this despite appearances to the contrary.

Anyway. My therapist is treating it like lowgrade ptsd and doing cbt which is giving great results. Cortisol regulating supplements also help greatly.

I guess you could try figuring out if it's a learned behavior to not empathize with people, or if it's something else preventing you from paying attention to people. One of those things could be autism/aspergers, but that's not your only option.

I have commented in the past here on how I think your snapping at other people could be a symptom of conditional self esteem - you think if others fuck up, it's due to something inherently wrong with that, and that usually comes from being taught that someone's entire value hinges on doing certain things right, instead of everyone is valuable and good and sometimes they mess up. Consider this too.

Another suggestion - try taking tincture of rhodiola and see if you're the same or not.

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