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Ravikiran Rao's avatar

I don't flip flop so much, but I do have a tendency to put off decisions and also make impulsive and poorly thought out decisions.

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Arun Simha's avatar

There may be two different topics; indecision in general, and being indecisive when feeling a loss of control.

I used to be affected by the latter as well, and I came to the conclusion that I need to be assertive. The lack of assertiveness and being a 'nice guy' made me frustrated due to the feeling of lack of control. Once, I established that there were parts of control that I was willing to give away and embrace the concept of surrendering, my life became low stress.

For example, I would have done the opposite of you with the cafe example. I would have texted yes and regretted it all the time because I would have believed that I was put in a spot. Instead, by being assertive, and responding with "Actually, I would have loved to, but I need some "me-time" helped me regain control. The upside of assertiveness is that I could also often surrender with the rationalization that "hey, someone else making a plan on my behalf is terrific, and the fact that they want me to be present with them is a privilege," and that made my mood undoubtedly better when I did indeed join them. So, instead of getting a grouchy dad at the cafe, they would have seen a smiling me enjoying myself.

This book from a Stanford Univ couple Sharon and Gordon Bower helped me a lot https://www.amazon.com/Asserting-Yourself-Updated-Practical-Positive-Change/dp/0738209716

Gordon Bower won the National Medal of Science.

https://youtu.be/A647VDAFo7Q

See the DESC script from the above book: https://your.yale.edu/sites/default/files/adviformanagers_usingdesctomakeyourdifficultconversations.pdf

Re Nice Guy - this book is very interesting https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

Book summary on youtube: https://youtu.be/hz-Uo4iMvn4

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